One of the most inspiring people in my life posted a video about permission and how we’re waiting for someone to tell us it’s ok to do or not do things in our adult life. This is so ingrained in us I’m not even sure we’re aware it’s happening. In doing this we stop ourselves before we ever get started; we begin to overthink and over analyze and before we know it feels like serving a prison term inside our own heads and we’re the judge and jury that put us there-it’s insanity. I’ve found we go down this path for one of two reasons.
Reason 1: Fear of what other people might think.
Been there, done that….we all have. We have all stopped what we’re doing or changed how we are doing it to match what we think someone else wants us to do. It’s a fundamental emotional need to have approval. It starts from birth with smiling at babies, clapping hands when first steps are taken, gold stars on spelling tests, being picked first in kickball, middle school clicks, high school crushes….we are conditioned to give and seek approval and we learn either consciously or sub consciously to tie self worth to it all. The problem is as we get older the choices and actions we seek approval for don’t always involve people that love us or even have our best interest at heart. Worse yet we’re not seeking approval with actual people we’re seeking approval from their perceptions- from what they want to see in us. Their perceptions become our reality and this, this is where we start to stand trial in our heads.
The expectations we have of our “approvers” is that their intentions are the same as ours. This unspoken, hidden expectation is one of the most disruptive things we do to our inner peace. We literally empty our emotional banks to bet on a person we’ve given the power of permission to that they’ll give us an answer; the green light to proceed. The reality is that we already know the answer because only we know what is right for us and instead of gambling all of our self worth away we should be doing some self love and self preservation. Instead of expecting someone else to give us permission, to give us approval, maybe we need to do more accepting. Accept that things are the way they are meant to be….accept when someone shows you who they really are and let go of who we think they should be….accept where you are….accept who you are….accept that your best is good enough and tomorrow you’ll be even better. You don’t need approval to be you. It’s all about your mindset- it’s all up to you…every thought, every reaction, every positive vibe…you own that so accept it and live the shit out of it.
Reason 2: Comfort in the known
There is some type of odd comfort in those things not meant for us. In relationships it’s the passing of time with someone familiar, the predictability of irritation, mediocre and random “good” times that appear often enough to keep us satisfied’ish. In a job not meant for us we go through the motions and we lose our spark and our reason why over and over but the paycheck remains and so do we. There’s no joy or reward in being drug by the ankles through our own life. But, we seem to rationalize that a known bad is better than an unknown good because there’s no risk and it’s comfortably uncomfortable. There are no prisoners in life so we stay by choice, in dead end situations, waiting for someone to give us the thumbs up to leave.
We’d rather be frustrated and miserable where we are than take a risk. How ridiculous is it that we willingly accept pain because it’s a the situations familiar feeling? Maybe it isn’t the unknown we’re actually afraid of but the giving up of the known. Ripped, shitty sweatpants that you would’t wear in public are still comfortable but they aren’t adding value to your wardrobe. When you’re in tune with yourself and you know your worth the unknown isn’t scary anymore and the absence of things not meant for us doesn’t create an empty space- it creates a place for opportunity, for the things seeking us. Its been said a thousand times over that there are no mistakes in life and that everything is connected in wild and wonderful ways. Appreciate that and take chances in life and on love with the gifts that are given to you in the most unconventional of packages. Some of the best people and experiences in life are disguised as the very things we’re afraid to be judged on. It’s time to get uncomfortable and get hyped about the unknown.
The only permissions you need in this life comes from within yourself- the permission to dismiss the negative jury that meets in your head and to release yourself from whatever emotional life sentence you’re already serving. The permission to invest in yourself and the power of your own thoughts. All the answers you need are there inside you waiting to be discovered so learn to trust in that- trust in how well you know yourself and that what you have to offer the world is necessary. Your confidence will bring you peace and your peace will attract what’s good for your soul.