This Girl That Place

I spent the last few days in work meetings. I’m newly promoted into a higher visibility position with completely different types of expectations. It’s exciting for obvious reasons and it’s scary as hell for just as many. This meeting was my introduction- kinda of like a quinceanera of the plasma world but without the fluffy dress, DJ, and dance floor dry humping. I had officially started my transition from the center to the next tier.

I knew my name and picture were going to appear on a screen at some point during the first day and a formal introduction would put to rest all the speculation from the morning about who I am and why am I there. I was fully expecting sweat of some sort to collect in my pits or feet in anticipation of the slide and it never happened. Before I knew it, I was as “official”.  I have no real reasoning for my lack of perspiration or anxiety or even an explanation for the amount of calm I felt but it I had to summarize it in some shape or form I would merely say that I have arrived.

I’ve arrived at a place I didn’t know I was seeking for most of my life. I’ve arrived at a place where the simplistic act of being present in the moment is effortless. A place where I have met myself and made the decision I don’t have to exploit my weaknesses and where I know my strengths are worth sharing.  It’s this wonderful place where my peace can’t be fucked with and happiness is part of the journey and not the final destination.

This place I’ve arrived brings me motivation, inspiration, and knowledge in the most unlikely forms. It’s found in peoples vulnerability, in their purposeful and accidental authenticity, and it’s found in situations that leave my buckets empty and ones that leave me standing a little taller. It’s in the form of boundaries and acceptance; in silence broken by the touch of a hand or a voice that gives permission to feel whatever it is I need or want to. And, it’s in the form of knowing the difference between good enough and good for me.

I can’t draw you a map on how to get to a place like this in your own life and I’m not sure that missing out on whatever experiences that shape your character and show you who you really are would be worth the shortcuts. Just know that if your gut is telling you to distance yourself from other people do it. If you want to be closer to someone that feels like sunshine then do it. If your heart is telling you to travel, make a job change, start a project, take a break, read a book, be with that person for shits sake go for it! Only you know what’s best for you and to deny those things is to live a life as a prisoner while holding the keys to  release yourself in your own hand.

I don’t have the best of everything but I have the best life for me. I laugh and smile , I see my way through painful moments knowing that they are part of my journey and a place to pass through and not unpack and stay. I know at the end of the day that I have given the best version of myself to those who choose to receive it and if all goes well, I’ve left people better than I found them. I am what I’m meant to be and I’m really no different than any of you- we’re all in this experiment called life, figuring it out as our environment changes, and we evolve into better, more complete versions of ourselves.

XOXOXO, Rachel